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The Birth of Maxwell James – A Diary

Let’s be clear, I’m a very lucky man.

But I always find it interesting that we never seem to remember the important things in life…oh sure, we remember the dates, maybe some particulars, but time clears the mind of many details.  So with the birth of my third boy on the horizon, I decided do a running diary of the day’s events.  I figured, if nothing else, we could look back and remember a few moments from his birth.  I also believe it’s another fact (in a long history of facts), that third borns are the best raised children in the world, and have yielded most of humankind’s most tremendous people…(figured out where I reside in the birth order yet?)

Think about it for a second, like shooting free-throw’s after practice or  golf balls at the range, what on this earth don’t we get better at with practice?  Why should parenting be any different?  We hover like helicopters over the first, over- compensate on the second, by the third, we’ve hit our Parenting Prime…they should call all of us third born’s Goldilock Kids!

So, in an honor of one of my all-time favorite writers, who happens to be an only child, The Sportsguy, I’ve decided to keep a running diary of the birth if my 3rd child, and rewind the action for you today.

Let’s begin

Weds, July 11th, 8:00 pm. My Mom has come in from Alabama to take care of my two boys.  The wife has an appointment to be at the hospital at 8. They’ll start the induction shortly after, with the idea that the baby will come sometime on Thursday, July 12th.

The One & Only John Holmes

8:49pm. At the hospital, wife hooked up to some machines, nurses asking lots of questions, I’m watching Modern Family… One thing they don’t tell you about having small kids? Your tv watching declines considerably. If it’s not a live sporting event, my tv is stuck on Power Rangers or Clifford. With that said, Modern Family is one I continue to watch, or at least try to… just so funny, especially to me, since my family is nothing, but traditional.

Also, they put us in the John Holmes room…apparently this hospital likes its porn stars. They must know something about my son’s “equipment”…

9:48pm. The cynic in me figured we wouldn’t have this baby until tomorrow morning, right when the doc wanted him to come.  I always figured these docs could telegraph a birth like the backup QB throwing into double coverage… But lo and behold, we may be getting started early. There’s lots of talk of effacing and dilating and Jill the Nurse just told me I’d better start drinking the coffee, it could be a long night…Jill’s a hoot…she just told us she doesn’t come to work and NOT celebrate birthday parties…better get ready to get tough!

9:58pm. Contractions getting stronger, might be about time to bring on the ol’ epidural. For those of you that don’t know, I’m one of those small business owners that both Republicans and Democrats like to talk about, especially when it comes to healthcare. Well, Rep or Dem, it doesn’t matter…all I know is I’m paying out-of-pocket (and out the nose) for this whole deal, so I’m thinking…are you allowed to negotiate with the epidural doctor? After my recent car buying episode, I’m yearning for another shot at using my negotiating prowess, or lack there of:) Granted, when the pain is hot and heavy, I’m pretty sure I’d lose on any negotiating.

10:46pm. Well, things have slowed down, maybe my previous cynicism was correct. Might be time to get a little shut-eye.

11:31pm. Nothing tonight, time for sleep.

Thursday, July 12th, 6:02am. Not exactly a Tempur-Pedic night sleep, but not too bad on the ol’ fold-out, or as my buddy Hyleme calls it, The Daddy Couch.

If it looks uncomfortable, it’s because it is…

Somewhat chilly laying next to the vent, but hey, I’m not the pregnant one, right? They drugged the wife up pretty good, so she was out as well. Laying here watching TV, with 6 channels, because apparently Direct TV & Viacom are having a hissy fit over fees. TV or no TV, today seems like a good day to have a child, don’t you think?

If I had to bet, I’d guess we’ll meet our new guy sometime after lunch.

Our “I-came-here-to-celebrate-birthdays” nurse, Jill, goes off in an hour. We’ll miss her…

8:56pm. Breakfast. Time to take a quick trip down to the cafeteria, which is always an overwhelming experience for me… So many options, you can only pick one…don’t screw it up!

Went with a breakfast sandwich, meanwhile, back on the baby front, the doctor came in and apparently kick started the process as contractions are beginning again hot and heavy… got to hand it to these docs, they handle these births like a bowling ball rolling towards the pins with the bumpers up…if something looks to be going in the wrong direction, bang!, a hit on the bumper and the ball gets rolling down the lane towards the pins…

10:22pm. Epidural doc has come and gone, and no, I didn’t try to negotiate with her. The house doc is gonna come in here shortly and re-position the bowling ball, err, break her water. Still looking at an afternoon birth. Meanwhile, what to do for the next 6 hours. My oldest was born on a Sunday on October…lots of football to watch… a Thursday in the middle of July? Catch up on Days of Our Life’s? Re-run of the Tour de France?  Once again, who has the toughest job today?

10:31pm. Water Broken. We’ll stop there, no need for details.

11:46pm. Time to grab some lunch. Nurse Karen seems to think things will “go quickly” now. Been spending the last hour reading up on this Sandusky/Freer investigation. Pretty sick/scary stuff, especially for a guy who’s about to have his third boy. So tragic, so ridiculous that college football has become such a big deal that people (Paterno) feel compelled to suppress their morals to save their teams/jobs. Great article by Jason Whitlock on this… Much evil in this world, much evil.

12:25pm. Must be getting close, they just wheeled in the baby’s bed.

12:50pm. 8cm, whatever that means.

2:11pm. Well, we now have 2 nurses and the room is filled with all types of machines, the wife is having contractions every minute or so, feeling pain even through the epidural. Guessing this wouldn’t be a good time to grab some Starbucks.

2:36pm. The doc has been called.

Maxwell James, 8lbs 2 oz

3:06pm. Maxwell James is born. 8lbs 2 oz, 20.25 inches. He’s got a lot of dark hair, considering I have none and the wife is blond we’ll be taking a closer look at the mailman this week;) the bowling ball has come down for a perfect strike!

3:55pm. As with the two previous, just an amazing experience.  If you’ve ever thought about having kids, I would highly recommend it.  The wife is a real rock star during these things. And this little guy is a miracle.  Make no mistake, I’m a lucky man!

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2 responses »

  1. Just out of curiosity, did you have your little boy at St. Joseph’s West in Lake Saint Louis? That couch/bed looks all too familiar haha. My girlfriend actually does the newborn photos there, so if they were done, you might have had them done by her. Maybe not, but possibly a small world haha. Congrats on Maxwell, and welcoming another addition to your family!

    Reply
    • Actually, we were at St. Luke’s in Chesterfield. We’ve had 3 kids in 3 different hospitals in St. Louis…St. John’s, Progress West, then St. Luke’s, thinking about a blog post about the pros & cons of each for new/expecting parents…

      Reply

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